Told ya i have change back to www.more-food-everyday.blogspot.com right???  Dumb Dogs. HAHA.

It's true, i am stuck on you.

I am now listening to Stuck by Stacie Orrico. -I hate you, but i love you, i cant stop thinking of you.- Life is now currently bad, in times of when i need you, it will be extremely worst. Heard that you are gonna get expel soon, all the best to you.

I am craving for Swensens ice cream *licks~* :)

Can this be even happening? I am actually waiting for the clock to strike twelve.

I knew it's a bit too late, but i am making my confessions right now.

From the start of 2010, our relationship is going down of the hill, Many times of come and go. Many times of unbearable and being cruel again. I knew i finally lost you in my life. You gave up on me while giving me excuses such as studies no good, keep on tearing, after all the nonsense not enough still and start to accuse me. When i thought all of it was over, here comes this bitch, who woo you when you were in your unstable mode, and for goodness sake you accept her just because to agitate me. I cried so hard, in my dreams. I totally have no tears to be free when i knew that. I had to pretend that i am fine with it and let you led your own life. But frankly, i hate you alot. I hate how the way you treated me after you got new friends when i have none. I hate you being so arrogant and only talks to me whenever you want to. I hate you for being so not considerate enough to just hurt me with those words that you find it so fine to use it on the girl who truly loves you. I hate you when you never even know how much i want you back no matter what you had turn into. I hate you the most, when you give the bitch a chance just because you want to agitate me. I hate it, because this is not a game, this is what i really dump my heart out and work it out. After one month of torture life, i realise that it's time to give up. Live with sorrows, might as well as live happily ever after. The moment i make up my mind to give up on you, the very first moment, i really manage not to miss you, not to yearn for your calls, pretend like i never see those messages you sent me. I have already hate you into my bones. Just the second day when i gave up, you called me and told me you are coming back to me. You told me those things that will make me shake again. I told myself that i am just playing the substitute role. When your life are back to normal, i shall leave. Yet in the end i played the hardest role, which is the third party for about, a couple of weeks and i announced i gave up. I choose to let you go. And in the end unbearable brings me back to you. You are still so you, keep pointing onto the fact that i asked for it first. Like it or not, i was hurt those few days. I could not hate you like how much i do anymore. This time no matter how i persuade myself, there is always a voice telling me, *you failed to endure, that is your problem, not his* I even thought that being the third party was not so bad actually, at least i still own you. Until loneliness was over, and i was being busy with school stuffs again, i can just leave you aside. But once come to the middle of the night, when everyone will be down there on their pillows dreaming their sweet dreams, i will be missing you. None of them but you. I hate myself since then. I hate myself for being so not rational, for saying i want to leave and in the end i lost you. I hate myself, to the core. But what can i do?? I have already let you go, it's all me to be blame. There is this period that i am more calm, slowly realise that what i was doing is good for myself, and not being irritating again. I learnt to accept the fact that no matter how much i want you back, you belongs to her. I also understand the fact that if you really still love me, you wouldn't mind the consequences but just dump her and come back to me. I know you are no longer the one obsessed with me, therefore how would you even want to protect me from her? I tried to fill up those times i am spending with you with other things. Those gaps that will make me remember you more i leave it there. I wouldn't want anymore pain and remorse, therefore i am actually spending all my times in studies. In school events, with my mother, Which is actually more meaningful, and hurt lesser. But somehow i know, i totally lost a shoulder to lean on whenever i am down, I lost the someone who care for me more than anything else. I lost my only listener who would be interested to know every little things of mine. I lost a compass who will lead me out of the dark whenever i am lost. I lost a big hope, that i can depend on for anything. I need to stand up on my own once again. Starting from now, all by myself. I appreciate all the things you done for me in the past. The good memories we shared and the laughter we had. I had never know what does lost mean when i lost you. I had never felt terrified before until i lost you. You bring me to the lowest point of my life, but yet you make me grown. Your gone make me realise that life doesn't rotate only around you. You have to be prepared for every next big thing all by yourself. Because in the end, you will realise, you are still walking the route all by yourself. Sad to say that you have already lost the girl who once share the same heart beat as you. She moved on, like how you did earlier. She will have a new chapter after this and who knows, her life continues to write out awesome stories. But the thing that never change, is the girl loved you hardly once before, and she will never forget this short but meaningful relationship forever.

I dunno if i left out anything, Amendments will be made once i found something missing.

Dont give up even if the whole world gave up on you.

Firstly, i will definitely get scolded by you for not sleeping at this time. Haha, i just cant get into sleep!

There are, hmm, quite a number of things happened recently. I joined choir, yeah it is not a laughing matter but i JOINED CHOIR. I am the, auto part. Haha attended the Saturday's CCA and it was, fun! After choir went to have our lunch and i went IMM with tess to buy her books. And we eventually did alot of crazy stuffs there. Haha, and she upoloaded those pictures to facebook! I am so going crazy because of her, and also her father, LOL!

Eventually the reason i am staying up today, is because i have not completed my coursework. Dont worry, until now it's not done yet. I am facing the music tomorrow. -.- I still have a piece of geography work not done, i wonder who is nice enough to finish that piece of work and lend it to me. Haha. Holidays are arriving, and i am so not into the holiday mood as i am coming back to school almost everyday, maths classes, choir camp. For goodness sake the school misuse our holidays and turn it into school days!! It was really upset to see all the works in front of me but they were not completed. I know, you wish i could write on you, but i wish you were not even here in the first place. LOL!

And also, for my dear see teng, Thank you for your shirts, and thank you for waiting for me in the mrt station even though the weather is really humid! Argh hate the weather now! Thank you for making me happy by texting me everyday. Thank you for persuading me to forget him, Thank you for paying attention on me. Thank you for everything. But i know you love me that's why you did so much. Haha. (:

I am going off soon, ciao.

Never ever give up, whether is on your studies, your family, or you yourself.

I try too hard :(

Now is 1.08am in the morning. I was doing my coursework, correcting those stupid blue words. I was updating facebook profile, which i did it everyday, and in the end i came to this piece of dead shit, which i didn't enter for weeks. Haha(:

For the past few days, putting my whole head into all kinds of test. Going out with see teng almost everyday and please includes the two doggies too. Just met them today, supposed to go to the library and teach that see teng with her maths, and i fell asleep halfway and made them meet me at long john silver instead. They failed in explaining, seriously. If next time anyone of you wish to be a teacher, think twice.

And for me, i am preparing for holidays! Movies, theme parks, imm, haha all are inside plan, with my girlfriends. (: Kinda worried about the money i am gonna spend, as my hongbao is lesser then how much i spend out. Dude, i am still missing you. Even though is 1.15am now. Haha. (:

I wonder where does my writing skills went, i didn't have much things to write. I think i will leave it all to the next post. (: Ciao (:

I cant believe it's over -  a new beginning.

Gosh, i am so addicted to the show Autumn's Concerto now. I actually spend the 12 bucks to buy the dvd???! I actually though the 12 bucks came in full episodes but i realise it was only volume one when i reached home. WHAT THE?! Haha but it was a nice show indeed, i am at episode 5 now. And volume one only contains 9 episodes???? Which means i must buy the volume 2 asap. =.=

Today, supposed to stay at home and do some revision, haha but now you see what is happening. Yesterday went for a movie with see teng yang hui and doggies. Percy jackson and what thief. See teng requested to watch two movies actually but she herself cannot wake up. Haha. The movie was kinda... scary, or maybe is i lost a hand to hold on when i used to have one actually. Haha, but still i enjoy the movie with them, and did some shopping. Bought mask, dvd, wanna buy clothes but see teng need to rush home to have her steamboat. =.=

Those dogs were just stupid enough, disturbing a normal human until all the way home. Until now my inbox is still full can?! Okay i am too lazy to delete all the messages actually, haha. By the way, thank you doggies, for keeping me entertaining, Persuading me to forget the past, making me pissed to let me know that how beautiful life still can be, concerning for me like i never lost anything, really, thank you for everything. Although i dislike the word pig. HAHA!

I actually thought that, i wouldn't have go on without you in my life. But your life looks so much better without me inside, i know that i should leave.

I give up.
I am made up from your pain and i forgot how to be happy
You are the cause for my every emotion
and you aren't even here to begin with.

How is that so?
I ask not to love you anymore.
I really don't want to
I hate this feeling
I hate burdening all my friends about you
I hate thinking about you
I hate remembering you
I hate missing you
I hate loving you

I hate you,
you blind, ungrateful, oblivious, undeserving, selfish, self-centered, perverted human!

Why can't you see you hold a higher place in me than you could ever be in her?

I saw this from wani's blog, and i quoted it down, your words bring me much inspiration, love ya my friend.  (:

In my life, i needed you once. More than you can imagine.

Guess what? Holidays had started, and i am not in the mood for holidays! What i can see are just tons and tons of homeworks + assignments + interviewing work + okay i dunno what else. I am working hard on every single of them. Hope to finish it on time. Haha this year is a bit special, i am not in Malaysia. Not going back either. I kinda miss those days i were there. I guess, everyone will be having fun still, although i am not around...

Okay let's talk about what happened today. Today i went to eat have buffet with mum. We went to dhoby ghaut, want to find the sakura restaurant. But we walked rounds and rounds even until orchard central also cannot manage to see the restaurant. I was pissed, exhausted, and mum made like 10 phone calls to the restaurant and the people there just could not give us the right direction. In the end mum said if we still failed to find the restaurant then we will have something else for dinner. So mum called the restaurant one last time, YES LAST ONE. Then mum like finally got it, like finally know where is it located. And she didn't wanna walk back as she was putting on a heels. So we decided to take the bus, and the bus we took went far further then we expected it to stop. So, another round of walking. Walking back to the location that we were once there, but we missed it. Is like, it was just right behind us but we choose to ignore it and walked away. Lol. So in the end, we were late for like half or one hour from our booking time. And we have to leave the place at half past seven sharp as another group of people will come in. So of course i eat the food very fast la. Haha. :D

A variety of food to be chosen, from prawns, chicken wings, friend rice, noodles, oysters, clams, sushi, sobas, salmons, raw food, to laksa, peking duck, chicken chop, unagi, satay and wooah a lot more. The ice cream only already have 12 choices. What more about the rest? I can only say what you dont expect to see there it will happened to be there. Haha. So i ate a lot of prawns, i guess more than 20. 3 bowls of laksa is sap sap sui for me. Yeah la of course it serves in small bowl. Then chicken wings of course, and and i ordered satay but it was not cooked!!!!!! And i got to leave!!!! What a disappointment. :(

After eating, went to plaze sing to walk, wanted to buy some clothes but all shop were closed. -.-

So we went to harbourfront instead. Managed to buy something there. :) I told mum that see teng asked me out for a movie soon, then guess what she said?

Mum: I wanna watch this this and this, tell her to pick something else to watch with you. (LOL)

OMG, haha so she actually did plan ahead that what she wanna watch already. I was laughing like mad when i watch her saying all the movies in details and for most in such a serious face. HAHA! Reached home at about, nine plus. The dinner made me feel damn bad la, i lose weight recently, i guess my weight gone up again after the buffet, GUILTY! @~@

You left my heart with a hole, and you didn't stop pouring sorrows and sadness in. Now my heart,

is gone.

Alot of things happened recently. Well there might be some unhappy one as well. I went to a movie yesterday, it was supposed to be an interesting movie, but with no subtitles i did not get what the show is trying to say. Plus people around there are like some irritating nuisance. Making so much noise, what a disgrace for bringing them out. After the show just started not long, i ran to the toilet, and i make tessly call me. Is like, i really cannot cope with it anymore. With someone whom i loved being right at the side chit chatting with his friends, and before that he was saying he will accompany me through the movie. Plus those stupid irritating people making my eyes pain. So i decided to hide in the toilet until the movie ends. But not when see teng came in and look for me. She was also annoyed by them, but what can we do? We have already paid for our tickets and we have to continue watching the show. So, in the end i fall asleep inside the cinema, with air cond plus quiet environment i don't deny that it is a good spot to sleep in. Haha.

After the movie we went to orchard. See teng, pea, and me only. What about my love? Oh he was busy with his friends. We went to get our lunch/dinner at ajisen ramen first. Then only we went to the heeren, i wonder if this was the spelling anyway. Pea spotted some t-shirts that he likes and keep asking me whether it's nice. Wow is like one already cost 35 bucks *++* . Dont worry he bought 3. Lol! Well after that we headed to Bugis straight, for once see teng lack of money to buy clothes. Haha she bought a funny pants and a jumper. I remember that jumper costs her 36.90. Another WOW. It was like seven plus when my leg started to feel the pain for walking the whole day. So i went home, by train, alone, when both of them went to take bus.

At night, i quarreled with my mum. She asked me to get out of the house. So i get out after the 2120948554475 times she asked me to get out. And it was my tenant who pulled me back and my mum was sorry about that too, I think. Then we didn't talk for the next few hours until i went to bed. Is like, sleep together in one room but never talk huh. haha.

As for today, school as usual. Morning assembly was BORING. Yeah every assembly was boring anyway. Recess didn't eat, stayed in class with tessly. It was after that then i heard rumours about you and her. I choose to trust you once again, although this time was the third affairs you gotten me for this last month and now. I hope you are really truth to me, as this time i saw it with my own eyes also. Is like, i dunno whether i should feel heart pain or i shouldn't even have any feelings at all since this was not the first time you made me sad. I prefer to stay calm and cool, i did not say anything, and i did not want to ask anything more. I hope you realise something in your heart when people came and asked you whether is she your new girl. Come on, this time everyone saw. After school was supposed to go orchard again, but in the end i went home. Sorry, really not in the mood.

Somehow i am exhausted today, but there was this someone who wanna play. So i decided to play with him. (:

Haha, today i went for my voluntary work. As usual, my whole body paralysed after a whole day working. This time is not just simple talking and translating, This involves painting the units and the blocks. I reached the destination - Block 48 at about nine in the morning. Went to get my t-shirt, and then slacked for awhile, then off to work! It was seriously tiring, as i was the one who went up and down when people are just inside there painting the wall and ceiling. Sometimes i need to help out in their painting too. I need to get all the equipments they needed, need to distribute people from where to where. Need to go around and see if the residents are impressed with the painting. When comes to a malay family i will need to be there for sure, to translate their words. Which sometimes i do not even know they talked so much for what?! After all that, we have a lunch break, but those food did not look appetising. So from morning till then i never eat anything. Poor me, i never let myself suffered like that before. Well i guess i am top into the voluntary work already.

There are many organisations who helped out, there were this fairfield methodist school, avelite organisation, PACF or something like that, and even the construction workers from the town council came to help out too. More than 10 untis are done with all the helping hands. From a dusty old flat look like a brand new clean environment. I am very happy about it personally. :D :D And i am very proud of myself even though i came home with both legs aching. ACHING LIKE MAD OKAY? Plus i am having menstrual TODAY! Of everyday it comes today. -.-

Haha tomorrow is Monday again, gonna start to work really hard since it's the beginning of February. (: